Post Thanksgiving Blues

I thought  I'd live like a queen, but the holidays had me. I'm sick and tired of everything and everyone, especially turkey. Just kidding. I can never get enough turkey!
In all honesty though, I really am sick. I've got a rotten cold but thank God I caught it the night AFTER thanksgiving. I actually had a FABULOUS time in Chicago. I hung out w/ my fave girl cousin Jenna Thursday and ALL day Friday. We ate food, shopped and did facial masks. Mostly we talked which was super awesome because I almost NEVER see her.
The down side to all this was the driving. We spent 11 hours in a car, total. Mis-ra-ble. I'm like, WAY greatful for airplanes now.

I'm Thankful for...

Hey Hey Hey! Thanksgiving is right around the corner and that means spending my holiday google-ing pictures of kittens and reading Cake Wreck!

Also, I have a stupid book to read. Three, actually. I despise all of them. (Mainly because I find extreme enjoyment in saying the word "despise." It really rolls of the tongue.) 

I'm NOT thankful for that. Or overcooked turkey. Or pictures of ugly cakes. Just kidding. I live for ugly cakes!

But for realz, people. I'm thankful for the way the stars twinkle in the midnight sky and the crackle of old book spines. (How I love to break the spines of old books so no one else can read them!!!) 

I've got an "I heart ?" written on the back of my hand. How could I be so ungrateful? It must be the cherry juice.  

I'll post my real thankfulness post later, after I've suffered through several hours of football and cranberry sauce. Until then - sayonara  suckers! 

School Projects I want to brag about!!!!

So like, here's my uber cool model of meisois, a science term I just spelled wrong. It's made of yarn, index cards, pen, labels and the blood of a first-born lamb.

And here is a poster that beats out a stupid yarn card anyday! This poster was made for my speech class. It's the visual aide that goes with another post of mine, the one about feeding a dog a pill. I think my bacon is beautiful, although my cheese is laughably triangular. 

So, like, I just finished my yarn model and I was so super-de-duper excited I had to run off and post it. Shows you how exciting my life is! Anyway, I thought I'd also slip in my very impressive poster, if not only to brag about my bacon-painting skills. Bacon is undoubtedly the best food ever, even more nutritious then last-week's liver and wheat germ smoothie!
So, I found a super funny blog I want ya'll to check out. It's called megansquared.blogspot.com She's way funnier than I am. *Sigh*

Anyhoo, our school is having their open house today and I'm working as a greeter! Yay! Know what that means? I GET TO SCARE POTENTIAL STUDENTS AWAY!!!! Awesome, right?

Gonna go grab breakfast - OJ and scrambled eggs!!!
-Mary-

How to Feed a Dog a Pill

We’ve all seen dogs do nasty things. I don’t care HOW brilliant or adorable your doggie might be, he or she have probably done something gross. With all their butt-sniffing, and toilet water drinking habits, not to mention some other unsanitary behaviors, it’s no wonder they end up at the vet! One thing will turn into another and the next thing you know your puppy’s got a prescription! If you’ve ever tried to feed a dog a pill you know as well as I do that it can turn into a hilarious, embarrassing and seemingly impossible situation. So, to help you learn this oh-so-important life skill, I’ve come up with a few practical tips along complete with a step-by-step guide to completing this daunting task.

Step One: Find the pill.   Believe it or not, this step is actually pretty crucial. I tend to lose anything with words printed on it that I don’t understand, like a prescription bottle. It’s good for my ego, but not so great for my dog that needs to get better. Please, for the sake of PETA, just find the pills.

Step Two:  Find the dog. Okay, I’m not sure about you, but my dog has a medication sensor. She instinctively knows when it’s that time of the month and she’s gonna have to pop a pill. Your dog may resort to hiding under beds, behind doors, or under your grandmother’s car. Effective strategies include luring them out with the prospect of playing fetch, or you could simply wave bacon in the air and wait for the dog to come to you. A downside of this method is you will also attract every small child within twenty feet.

Step Three: Prepare the pill. There are many ways you could do this, such as hiding the pill in cheese. Bacon will not work, because between the time you start looking for the dog and actually lure him out, an army of small children will employ guerilla warfare and ambush you, confiscating any bacon they find. White bread, which is the equivalent of edible clay can be shaped around the pill like a ball and then you can soak the  whole thing in chili, or something that smells like old meat, which for some reason seems to go over well with dogs. Maybe stick it in your brother’s shoe for a week?

Step Four: Prepare the Dog. To fool him into eating the pill, he should be very, very tired, so he won’t spot your diabolical plot. If you have a hyper dog, like I do, this could be a problem.  With some dogs, they won’t be worn out, even after playing “fetch” for three straight days. This is when you must employ the “stick-throwing-robot-guy.”  (He is crucial to this operation, trust me!)

Step Five: Do it! Next, you should wave Velveeta cheese suggestively under his nose while meowing like a cat to confuse him and cause him to open is mouth in the universal “HUH??” expression.  That’s when you shove the pill in and finally obtain victory.

However, If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. But then give up. There’s no point in being ridiculous about it. If your dog doesn’t appreciate your attempts just get one of those pill pocket dog treats. Problem solved!!!

Thank You! 

My ninja speech for school

Mary’s Instructional Speech about Ninjas – A CONSTRUCTIVE outline

1)      Intro

2)      What is a ninja?

3)      What sorts of jobs do they do?

4)      What do they like to eat?

5)      Also, can they jump and stuff?

6)      Can I buy one?

7)      Not even as a pet?

8)      Fine.

9)      What do their knee caps look like?

10)   What have ninja’s contributed to society?

11)   Why ninjas are a cultural art or something mushy like that.

12)   THE END.

Mary’s CONSTRUCTIVE Intro to her Instructional Speech about Ninjas

                After studying for a long time and wearing some extremely unfashionable white lab coats, scientists have come to a conclusion. They now know three undebateable facts about ninjas. They are undebateable because science is always right, even when it defies gravity, like my fourth armpit. Science never lies. It’s a fact (made up by science people.) Anyhoo, these facts are self-evident, a word which here means “definitely true.” Since you are probably chewing your fingernails off in anticipation, I might as well tell you the facts, since that’s the whole point of the entire speech.

*clear throat*

Facts:

1.       Ninjas are mammals.

2.       Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3.       Ninjas are hard to beat.

4.       The purpose of ninjas is to flip out and kill people.

5.       They always act like they don’t care about anything but they still try to be all precise and junk.

At this point you are probably thinking : “What a dumb speech topic. Everyone is obsessed with ninjas.” Well, you have an excellent point. Everyone is obsessed with ninjas because they are so GOSH DARN AWESOME. But nobody really stops and thinks, “Gee, I wonder what ninjas are REALLY? Under all that black stuff. I mean, what if they are scary robots?”

(Transition into REAL ACTUAL INFORMATIONAL SPEECH USING REAL FACTS I PROMISE ARE NOT FROM WIKIPEDIA) 

10 Reasons Why My Life Is a Bowl of Explosive Cherries

10) Dude, I'm blogging. This is HUGE evidence I don't have a life.
9) I'm a freshman. Can anyone out there spell "DUH?" Oh, wait, never mind! I forgot my audience is my four year old sister!
8) Refer to #9. Nothing is lamer than a blogger with no readers. It's even worse that my "reader" can't even read.
7) I'm the eldest of six children. This one's not necessarily a bad thing. It just means my life is loud.
6) I hang out with the 8th graders at my school. (In all fairness, they are pretty awesome, not gonna lie!)
5) Me and one of my besties were arguing about our mutual crush (a catfight, no less!) and he walked in. (TODAY!!!!)
4) I'm the worst volleyball player on my team, and one of the oldest.
3) Dude, I'm complaining on the FREAKING INTERNET. This SUCKS!!!!
2) My face.
1) I'm intolerably clumsy.

My Amazing Science Models I promise are not from Wikipedia

Detail of my 3-D cell project. Today (11/10/10) I became the first person alive to construct a model of a cell using a bingo cage, beans, and a bouncy ball. :) 

My ever-detailed explanation of my cell model, which is currently sitting in it's bingo-cage support system.

Labeling stuff is so fun!!! :) 

Another bio project. The cardboard model shows a nucleic acid (DNA/RNA) molecule and the marshmallows show a starch molecule. As you can see, starch molecules are embarrassingly simple. 

           Aren't my finger tips simply intriguing? I'm sure you can see my weirdly shaped thumb in at least one of the pictures. I can't remember what it's called but I have this strange thumb disorder. Don't be haters because Megan Fox has the same thing and the media was ripping on her last year for photo-shopping someone else's thumb into her super bowl commercial for bathtubs or something. If I could have anything in common with Megan Fox it would HAVE to be her one flaw, her ugly thumbs. Of course that's be the one feature of her's I'd get. Poor old me. ;)
          Anyway, looks aren't everything - it seems brains count for quite a bit and speaking of which I have my mother to thank for thinking of the ingenious way to use a bingo cage as a cell instead of clay and Styrofoam. Actually she thought of using basically all those materials. Even the marshmallows for the starch molecules. And the cardboard. HEY, SHE IS MY TEACHER!!!!! Don't be hatin', ya'll, it's not my fault I can't think for myself. She is my bio teacher after all.
          Even though I'm going to John Paul II Preparatory, I still have to do biology at home because of my class schedule conflicts.  Aaaand speaking of which I'm like, WAY behind in bio so I better get my booty moving off this computer and into my textbook!!!
Ciao,
Mary Di Valeiro