*IMPORTANT MESSAGE*

Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

There ain't an American who doesn't love a good lip-smacking potato chip. Recently scientists (*cough* ME *cough*) have been analyzing the psychological impacts of your favorite flavor of this popular crunchy snack. 

Classic- Classic Potato chips are for the kind of people who also enjoy original bubblegum and clear streams of running water. They also enjoy lukewarm roasted marshmallows that are barely even yellowed. If you like Classic then you are the type of friend someone can count on when they are in a pinch. But if they want you to come TPing with them, you suddenly have a HUGE honors bio test you have to study for. 

Sodium-free – If your favorite bag of chips is sodium-free you either had your taste-buds removed or you are dead.

BBQ- This sweet-and-tangy combo is perfect for those who love high-top sneakers and spray-painted chiwahas. And also for those people who cannot spell chiwahas. (You know, the Mexican rat dogs?)

Sour Cream and Onion- Blech. That’s all I can say.

Fish and Chips- Um, your fave “flavour” isn’t even a chip. Sorry – it’s a fancy name for deep fried fish/potato mush. Yeaaaah, sour cream and onion is starting to sound super delish right now. Better head back to London, mate. Bonjour, or whatevs.

Salt & Vinegar- If you enjoy this type of chip then you are the type of guy who looks like he’s all ready for Sunday school but secretly wishes he was dying his hair green with Kool-Aid and starting a band in his garage. C’mon, this thing doesn’t lie – you know you want too!!

Wrinkled – I can never remember what they call this kind of chip? Ripped? Rippled? Ripe-eld? Whatever. It’s basically a variation of Classic. It’s like drawing a stick figure on a refrigerator box and calling it a masterpiece. LIES I TELL YOU.

*sigh* It's a food post. Now what does that tell you? (I'm a woman, I'm hungry and I'm craving chips)

Welcome to the Rain Forest!

Breathe in warm, moist air, smell hot animal dropping and hear the screeching of a toucan. Take a single step into the steamy jungle and hear the hiss of an anaconda and the scurrying of a squirrel monkey. Look up at the deep emerald celling that seeps with moisture and sunshine and sigh into the heavy air. Home to tall trees, the most species in the world and as much as one inch of rain a day, welcome to the rainforest! This is the biome that has captured the imaginations of filmmakers and the hearts of environmental activists.

Tropical rainforests are made of very tall trees – many of which are 70 meters above the ground! They from a dense covering called the canopy. In the section below the canopy, we have the understory. This is an area of shorter trees and vines. Organic matter falls to the forest floor regularly and it quickly decomposes and the nutrients are recycled. A rainforest resembles a tangled green mess. It’s abiotic factors include hot and wet weather all year round, and thin, nutrient poor soils.

Dominant plants in the tropical rainforest are broad-leaved evergreen trees, ferns and large woody vines/climbing plants. Also popular are beautiful orchids and bromeliads. These plants are inhabited by a variety of different animals. In fact, the tropical rain forest has more species than any other biome on earth! Some of the dominant herbivores include slots, tapir and capybaras. Common predators are jaguars, anteaters, monkeys, birds (toucans, parrots, parakeets), butterflies, ants, and piranhas. Reptiles are also found in the rainforest, mostly caymans, boa constrictors and anacondas.

If you wanted to visit a tropical rain forest, you would have to travel to parts of south and central America. You could also find one in south-east Asia, or southern India. Last but not least, you could also find tropical rainforests in northeastern Australia. If you want to take a trip to a rainforest, be careful, because they are full of dangerous and poisonous creatures! They are drenched in pests that often carry diseases such as malaria. However, if you are a serious scientist looking to study a large and interesting ecosystem, this could be for you! 

LOOK OUT FOR THE KILLER GUY! 

My Niche

     Because I'm such a productive person, I blew threw so much biology I'm on to the next item to be posted on my blog. No, not another Van Gogh worthy poster. Actually, I wish it was that simple. Question # 35 in my assessment asked me to "Write a description of your niche in the environment. Include details about your ecosystem, including the biotic and abiotic factors around you. Be sure to describe your feeding habits as well as any interactions you have with members of your species."
     Great. Now "they" will find me.
                      Okay, here's a rundown. My name is Mary Di Valerio and I am of the species "homo Teenagerious." This species is typically one of the more ridiculed species, because they are one of the few groups of people on earth who would rather rant about fictional characters and correspond with a glass screen rather than take a warm bath and crawl into a toasty bath. In general, members of "homo Teenagerious" are reckless and uncontrollable when they come into contact with substances such as sugar, cheese and caffeine. Their habitat consists of small dens that vaguely resemble the television show "Hoarders." The bedrooms of "homo Teenagerious" are by far dirtier, smellier and sloppier, however. When entering such a habitat, proceed with caution. The rooms may contain unprecedented amounts of junk food and Japanese soldiers who think WWII is still in progress.
      Their eating schedule consists thus: three meals a day plus about four billion snack breaks in between.
       Interactions with members of the species are brief and to the point. If you are lucky the "homo Teenagerious" may even grunt! Members of this species are very shy and prefer to do their business over a very sacred ritual called "Facebook."
     Some elite members of "homo Teenagerious" undergo intense mating rituals in which they exchange saliva  and touch palms.
     Some biotic features include clumps of fuzzy mold in the corners of their bedrooms and that's about it. They prefer to interact with technology rather than living organisms.

                I hope you were paying attention,  as there will be a test on Monday.

Photograph of typical teenager

WELCOME TO THE BLOODY FOOD CHAIN!!!

Welcome to the bloody food chain!

Once upon a time, there was darkness. And then God made the sun. That was a good day for people, because without the sun, we couldn’t exist. Then land and junk was made and happiness happened.  Well, this sun, you see, he liked to do this thing called photosynthesis. I’ll spare you the science lesson, but basically, the sun combines plants, itself and carbon dioxide and makes energy. He shoves all the energy into the plant and calls it a day. Now those plants can’t be greedy and keep all that energy for themselves, right? So they make seeds and a nice little brown mouse can come by a take a snack. Now the energy from the sun has been transferred to the seed. Once the ATPs in the mouse’s bloodstream get to the seed, the sun’s energy is now converted to the mouse. FABULOUS. Of course you have to realize, each time one of these transfers happen, a whole lot of energy is lost. (90%, to be exact.) Now, the mouse is just minding it’s own business, trotting along, maybe plotting to nab some berries before calling it a day when a hawk sweeps down and makes lunch right there on the spot. TOTAL bummer for little whiskers, who I was really starting to get fond of. Now the original energy from the sun has been reduced to .1% and everyone’s had a good meal. The hunter dude (who is played by Brad Pitt!!!!) aims his shotgun and takes down Mr. Mouse Killer and makes a wall hanging. Take five, people, that’s a wrap.

Now over in the pond, there’s a different story going on, even though the plot seems strangely familiar. Mr. Golden Sun does his magic and algae grows like craaazy. Our little hero, Fish Boy takes a bite of the algae and the golden goodness fills him up with, you guessed it, 1% of the suns original energy! Too bad for fishy, but the polecat (who’s face is just TOO cute to be angry at!!) is mego-hungry. He spies the f-boy and has his own personal fish fry. Yum, Yum, Yum!! Spot the similarities? It’s a different food chain, but it’s got the same beat.  Moral of the Story : There’s always going to be someone bigger and better to replace you. So watch your back. And even if you do watch your back you will still get hurt. (Killed, actually.) Sucks for you. Majorly.

Sooo, in other news, I made the fabulous charts and posters you can see below pertaining to the food chain. Light pink page shows what type each biotic/abiotic factors are, (carnivore, omnivore and so forth). Dark Pink shows some food chains illustrated in the large poster and so does the green. (There was so many dog-eat-dog scenarios, I didn’t have enough room)

Annnnd, I made sure there were plenty of detail shots in the poster so you can see all the blood I poured into this job. (read: 5.4 quarts)

I know sometimes it might seem like it would be awesome to be a bird or something, but honestly, we are SO lucky to be at the top of the food chain. Dying does NOT seem pleasant, especially the way so many of the poor little critters in the MO ecosystem do. As LUNCH. I used to be scared of giants eating me when I was little and I wonder if lil animals feel the same way. How would YOU like to be just another cog in the food chain of life?

I’m not going to go on a vegetarian rant, goodness knows I’ve been up and down through that stage. But there IS  a lesson here. Every creature is a cog in the food chain. Except us. If we aren’t meant to be eaten, then isn’t that evidence that we were intended for some higher purpose? Think about  it, people! I AIN’T NO FISH.

Woah, it's Brad Pitt!!! and a butterfly!

               

super fab detail shot of my MAD skillz

I like it on the TABLE, babyyy. 

Does this poster make me look fat?

Look at my bumble-bees!

Remind me again why there is a tropical fish in this picture?

Gahhhh, it's the bloody ARROWS!

Yes, I know, the back of my poster is FASCINATING. 

Ya'll proud of me and my hard work? Good, because I ain't doing it again! :P

My Nose Hurts.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it snow!

Skye, Baby! 

Pumpkins and Broccoli and Counters! Oh My! 

 As you can clearly see in the above photographs, I am an amazing chef. My dog is super gorge and the broccoli my mother buys is a neon green.
However, I am having math troubles. Math troubles are the worst kind of trouble you can possibly have. Also, my nose hurts. I have a cold and every-time I sneeze, I use a tissue and now my nose is chaffed.
And I don't even LIKE broccoli!

I have MAD cookie decorating skills. Check out my tied-dyed one! OO! And the one with green glasses is my Dad!

I'm just a complaining train-wreck today. At least I have awesome cookies!!! Off to make a pot of hot chocolate!

P.S. It snowed!!! But it's too cold to go outside. :(

The Latest in Fruit and Pen Technology

         This morning I executed a ton of biology work, and it's a good thing too, because I got a lot done and did two super fun labs! Since this is the only course I'm taking at home (remind me to explain the whole hybrid school set up to you sometime!) I don't have a class to share my fascinating science facts with. Ergo, I am forced to post them on the internet. (Which is actually quite delightful, when you think about it.)

Me, cleaning my knife. How sinister! (Actually, it's proof of our neat I am.)

The cut up fruit laid out, nice and neat. 

Me, magnifying my favorite fruit!

My lab all set up! 

My data. As you can see in the far right bottom corner, I had difficulty describing the shape of a pear, so I just drew it. 

It's breakfast! YUM YUM YUM!

The first project I did this morning was a fruit lab!I basically cut up the fruit and described them in a table, finding similarities and differences between the five delicious specimens I laid out before me. The banana was the coolest, even if it was the mushiest. I made everything seem quite professional. I even wiped off the table! (Yes, I know. My parents SHOULD get me a car!!!)

As you can see from the last two photographs, the end result was a chart full of data and a tasty breakfast for me. The scraps and peels went in our compost bucket. A compost bucket is a great way to give back to the earth, since we take so much out of it. Plus, it’ll help you grow tasty vegetables! We throw all of our organic food waste to the garden and all of our processed food scraps to our chickens. Basically it’s a natural form of recycling! The chickens eat the food and produce new food (Eggs! Which are, if you are wondering, MUCH healthier than those potato chips!) Of course the chicken’s main diet is feeding pellets, but we like to feed them a little treat every once in a while. It’s better than wasting our precious junk food, after all! If you are curious, the chickens also eat bugs, snakes and lizards they find in the woods behind our house. Buuuut that’s nasty. So, lets talk about compost. Which is, slightly LESS nasty, fyi. Compost decomposes and the vitamins and minerals go back into the soil so they can be drawn out again and put in next years crops! We also put manure down from (you guessed it!) the chickens! We even use the poop from our sheep and goats. Sheep manure is actually the best because you don’t have to age it before putting it on the garden. Ageing decomposes some of the stronger substances in the animal waste, so it doesn’t “burn” the plants. But the enzymes in the sheep’s digestive system are so strong that the poop is mild enough we can put it right on top of our garden.

                How did we get to be talking about such nasty things anyway? Oh right, I forgot, it’s a science post! I don’t HATE science, but it is a lot of work. I sort of like it, but at the same time, it’s like that annoying red nail polish you keep telling yourself that you’ll throw away one of these days. Science is like compost, nasty and hard to look at but beneficial in the long run.

                The OTHER project I made today was a Dichotomous Key  for Writing Utensils. This is simply a fancy name for a classification system for a few pens, pencils and also a highlighter. 

My lovely victims

While I won't bore you will the key (since it is rather dry) I did want to tell you about it so I wouldn't feel like I worked for nothing. 

Peace Out,

Mary

How To Manipulate DNA so You can Be Rich and Famous and Do What You WANT!!!!

          Do you want POWER? Real, ultimate POWER? Then leave, and become a ninja. There is nothing for you to see here.
However, if you would like to know how to manipulate DNA, then read on:
Scientists use their knowledge of the structure of DNA and its chemical properties to study and change DNA molecules. Different techniques are used to extract DNA form cells, to cut DNA into smaller piece, to identify the sequence of bases in a DNA molecule and to make unlimited copies of DNA.
Genetic Engineering is making changes in the DNA code of a living organism.
How DNA is extracted:
The cells are opened and the DNA is separated from the other cell parts.
DNA is then cut using restriction enzymes into a specific sequence of nucleotides.
Restriction Enzymes are super precise, apparently.
And I'm bored of the topic, apparently.

So here's a picture of the worlds' ugliest, creepiest, most disturbed shoes, EVER.

Post Thanksgiving Blues

I thought  I'd live like a queen, but the holidays had me. I'm sick and tired of everything and everyone, especially turkey. Just kidding. I can never get enough turkey!
In all honesty though, I really am sick. I've got a rotten cold but thank God I caught it the night AFTER thanksgiving. I actually had a FABULOUS time in Chicago. I hung out w/ my fave girl cousin Jenna Thursday and ALL day Friday. We ate food, shopped and did facial masks. Mostly we talked which was super awesome because I almost NEVER see her.
The down side to all this was the driving. We spent 11 hours in a car, total. Mis-ra-ble. I'm like, WAY greatful for airplanes now.

I'm Thankful for...

Hey Hey Hey! Thanksgiving is right around the corner and that means spending my holiday google-ing pictures of kittens and reading Cake Wreck!

Also, I have a stupid book to read. Three, actually. I despise all of them. (Mainly because I find extreme enjoyment in saying the word "despise." It really rolls of the tongue.) 

I'm NOT thankful for that. Or overcooked turkey. Or pictures of ugly cakes. Just kidding. I live for ugly cakes!

But for realz, people. I'm thankful for the way the stars twinkle in the midnight sky and the crackle of old book spines. (How I love to break the spines of old books so no one else can read them!!!) 

I've got an "I heart ?" written on the back of my hand. How could I be so ungrateful? It must be the cherry juice.  

I'll post my real thankfulness post later, after I've suffered through several hours of football and cranberry sauce. Until then - sayonara  suckers! 

School Projects I want to brag about!!!!

So like, here's my uber cool model of meisois, a science term I just spelled wrong. It's made of yarn, index cards, pen, labels and the blood of a first-born lamb.

And here is a poster that beats out a stupid yarn card anyday! This poster was made for my speech class. It's the visual aide that goes with another post of mine, the one about feeding a dog a pill. I think my bacon is beautiful, although my cheese is laughably triangular. 

So, like, I just finished my yarn model and I was so super-de-duper excited I had to run off and post it. Shows you how exciting my life is! Anyway, I thought I'd also slip in my very impressive poster, if not only to brag about my bacon-painting skills. Bacon is undoubtedly the best food ever, even more nutritious then last-week's liver and wheat germ smoothie!
So, I found a super funny blog I want ya'll to check out. It's called megansquared.blogspot.com She's way funnier than I am. *Sigh*

Anyhoo, our school is having their open house today and I'm working as a greeter! Yay! Know what that means? I GET TO SCARE POTENTIAL STUDENTS AWAY!!!! Awesome, right?

Gonna go grab breakfast - OJ and scrambled eggs!!!
-Mary-

How to Feed a Dog a Pill

We’ve all seen dogs do nasty things. I don’t care HOW brilliant or adorable your doggie might be, he or she have probably done something gross. With all their butt-sniffing, and toilet water drinking habits, not to mention some other unsanitary behaviors, it’s no wonder they end up at the vet! One thing will turn into another and the next thing you know your puppy’s got a prescription! If you’ve ever tried to feed a dog a pill you know as well as I do that it can turn into a hilarious, embarrassing and seemingly impossible situation. So, to help you learn this oh-so-important life skill, I’ve come up with a few practical tips along complete with a step-by-step guide to completing this daunting task.

Step One: Find the pill.   Believe it or not, this step is actually pretty crucial. I tend to lose anything with words printed on it that I don’t understand, like a prescription bottle. It’s good for my ego, but not so great for my dog that needs to get better. Please, for the sake of PETA, just find the pills.

Step Two:  Find the dog. Okay, I’m not sure about you, but my dog has a medication sensor. She instinctively knows when it’s that time of the month and she’s gonna have to pop a pill. Your dog may resort to hiding under beds, behind doors, or under your grandmother’s car. Effective strategies include luring them out with the prospect of playing fetch, or you could simply wave bacon in the air and wait for the dog to come to you. A downside of this method is you will also attract every small child within twenty feet.

Step Three: Prepare the pill. There are many ways you could do this, such as hiding the pill in cheese. Bacon will not work, because between the time you start looking for the dog and actually lure him out, an army of small children will employ guerilla warfare and ambush you, confiscating any bacon they find. White bread, which is the equivalent of edible clay can be shaped around the pill like a ball and then you can soak the  whole thing in chili, or something that smells like old meat, which for some reason seems to go over well with dogs. Maybe stick it in your brother’s shoe for a week?

Step Four: Prepare the Dog. To fool him into eating the pill, he should be very, very tired, so he won’t spot your diabolical plot. If you have a hyper dog, like I do, this could be a problem.  With some dogs, they won’t be worn out, even after playing “fetch” for three straight days. This is when you must employ the “stick-throwing-robot-guy.”  (He is crucial to this operation, trust me!)

Step Five: Do it! Next, you should wave Velveeta cheese suggestively under his nose while meowing like a cat to confuse him and cause him to open is mouth in the universal “HUH??” expression.  That’s when you shove the pill in and finally obtain victory.

However, If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. But then give up. There’s no point in being ridiculous about it. If your dog doesn’t appreciate your attempts just get one of those pill pocket dog treats. Problem solved!!!

Thank You! 

My ninja speech for school

Mary’s Instructional Speech about Ninjas – A CONSTRUCTIVE outline

1)      Intro

2)      What is a ninja?

3)      What sorts of jobs do they do?

4)      What do they like to eat?

5)      Also, can they jump and stuff?

6)      Can I buy one?

7)      Not even as a pet?

8)      Fine.

9)      What do their knee caps look like?

10)   What have ninja’s contributed to society?

11)   Why ninjas are a cultural art or something mushy like that.

12)   THE END.

Mary’s CONSTRUCTIVE Intro to her Instructional Speech about Ninjas

                After studying for a long time and wearing some extremely unfashionable white lab coats, scientists have come to a conclusion. They now know three undebateable facts about ninjas. They are undebateable because science is always right, even when it defies gravity, like my fourth armpit. Science never lies. It’s a fact (made up by science people.) Anyhoo, these facts are self-evident, a word which here means “definitely true.” Since you are probably chewing your fingernails off in anticipation, I might as well tell you the facts, since that’s the whole point of the entire speech.

*clear throat*

Facts:

1.       Ninjas are mammals.

2.       Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3.       Ninjas are hard to beat.

4.       The purpose of ninjas is to flip out and kill people.

5.       They always act like they don’t care about anything but they still try to be all precise and junk.

At this point you are probably thinking : “What a dumb speech topic. Everyone is obsessed with ninjas.” Well, you have an excellent point. Everyone is obsessed with ninjas because they are so GOSH DARN AWESOME. But nobody really stops and thinks, “Gee, I wonder what ninjas are REALLY? Under all that black stuff. I mean, what if they are scary robots?”

(Transition into REAL ACTUAL INFORMATIONAL SPEECH USING REAL FACTS I PROMISE ARE NOT FROM WIKIPEDIA) 

10 Reasons Why My Life Is a Bowl of Explosive Cherries

10) Dude, I'm blogging. This is HUGE evidence I don't have a life.
9) I'm a freshman. Can anyone out there spell "DUH?" Oh, wait, never mind! I forgot my audience is my four year old sister!
8) Refer to #9. Nothing is lamer than a blogger with no readers. It's even worse that my "reader" can't even read.
7) I'm the eldest of six children. This one's not necessarily a bad thing. It just means my life is loud.
6) I hang out with the 8th graders at my school. (In all fairness, they are pretty awesome, not gonna lie!)
5) Me and one of my besties were arguing about our mutual crush (a catfight, no less!) and he walked in. (TODAY!!!!)
4) I'm the worst volleyball player on my team, and one of the oldest.
3) Dude, I'm complaining on the FREAKING INTERNET. This SUCKS!!!!
2) My face.
1) I'm intolerably clumsy.

My Amazing Science Models I promise are not from Wikipedia

Detail of my 3-D cell project. Today (11/10/10) I became the first person alive to construct a model of a cell using a bingo cage, beans, and a bouncy ball. :) 

My ever-detailed explanation of my cell model, which is currently sitting in it's bingo-cage support system.

Labeling stuff is so fun!!! :) 

Another bio project. The cardboard model shows a nucleic acid (DNA/RNA) molecule and the marshmallows show a starch molecule. As you can see, starch molecules are embarrassingly simple. 

           Aren't my finger tips simply intriguing? I'm sure you can see my weirdly shaped thumb in at least one of the pictures. I can't remember what it's called but I have this strange thumb disorder. Don't be haters because Megan Fox has the same thing and the media was ripping on her last year for photo-shopping someone else's thumb into her super bowl commercial for bathtubs or something. If I could have anything in common with Megan Fox it would HAVE to be her one flaw, her ugly thumbs. Of course that's be the one feature of her's I'd get. Poor old me. ;)
          Anyway, looks aren't everything - it seems brains count for quite a bit and speaking of which I have my mother to thank for thinking of the ingenious way to use a bingo cage as a cell instead of clay and Styrofoam. Actually she thought of using basically all those materials. Even the marshmallows for the starch molecules. And the cardboard. HEY, SHE IS MY TEACHER!!!!! Don't be hatin', ya'll, it's not my fault I can't think for myself. She is my bio teacher after all.
          Even though I'm going to John Paul II Preparatory, I still have to do biology at home because of my class schedule conflicts.  Aaaand speaking of which I'm like, WAY behind in bio so I better get my booty moving off this computer and into my textbook!!!
Ciao,
Mary Di Valeiro